Peer Feedback:
One strength in my essay was providing textual evidence and points. This helped me with providing the evidence portion of my essay, which is important when backing up the commentary and claims. The evidence is a strong base on how I usually develop my paragraphs, so it is good to know that the quotations make sense in the essay.
A weakness in my essay was the lack of my own opinion, and how I did not really make any personal connections to the subject matter. As this essay is about a major I am interested in, it would be beneficial to include my personal thoughts on certain matters.
Another weakness in this essay was mentioning content in the conclusion that was not included in the rest of the essay. I did this with the topic of ethics, and had no information in my body paragraphs about how the major related to ethics. I either need to explain this in a body paragraph or get rid of the section.
My two body paragraphs:
Origional:
The mission statement values connect with a more liberal arts education, which appears close to Boyer’s enriched major. The values for Marine Science majors describes wanting students to “foster science literacy, and critical thinking skills and lay down the foundation for lifelong learning,” (Major Page 1). This follows with Jeffery Scheuer’s connections about critical thinking in a liberal arts education. Scheuer actually mentions in the context of critical thinking and inquiry with jobs requiring the skill set “we all have to deal with them, whether as art historians, economists, or biologists,” (Scheuer). I think this is an important connection because Scheuer highlights the basic need for critical thinking and how involved it is in the real world.
Revised:
The mission statement values show more of an enriched major. The Marine Science majors describe wanting students to “foster science literacy, and critical thinking skills and lay down the foundation for lifelong learning,” (Major Page 1). This follows with Jeffery Scheuer’s connections about critical thinking in a liberal arts education. This is important because both Scheuer and Boyer are against strict career and vocational education, and believe that a broader focus of learning is more beneficial for students. In Scheuer’s article, “Critical Thinking and the Liberal Arts”, he actually mentions in the context of critical thinking and inquiry with jobs requiring the skill set “we all have to deal with them, whether as art historians, economists, or biologists,” (Scheuer). In this case, Scheuer highlights the basic need for critical thinking and how involved it is in the real world. This has an impact on the jobs students will be able to get once they graduate college.
What I changed in this paragraph was the flow of the structure in order to make the sentences less choppy. I also included more details about how the mission statement would affect people in the real world. This is not exactly connecting this paragraph to a personal aspect of my life, like I mentioned in the peer feedback area, but it still has a relevance to my choices for the future.
Origional:
In another part of the web page for the focus of study of Marine Science, one of the learning outcomes was that people in the major will be able to “communicate effectively in both oral and written format to convey their scientific knowledge,” (Major Page 4). This shows part of an enriched major perspective to the course by the social aspect. Boyer tells the reader that an enriched program answers the question of: “What are the social and economic implications to be understood?” (Boyer 223). In this case, the social aspect of this learning outcome is the ways of communication to others. This is an important skill, as it not only encourages students to work with others to solve problems, but to share ideas with the world, making it an aspect of an enriched major.
Revised:
In another part of the Marine Science major webpage, there was a learning outcome that talked about how people in the major will be able to “communicate effectively in both oral and written format to convey their scientific knowledge,” (Major Page 4). This shows part of an enriched major perspective to the course due to the social aspect of the learning outcome. Boyer tells the reader that an enriched program answers the question of: “What are the social and economic implications to be understood?” (Boyer 223). In this case, the social aspect of this learning outcome is the ways of communication to others. This is an important skill, as it not only encourages students to work with others to solve problems, but to share ideas with the world, making it an aspect of an enriched major. In my opinion, this is very important to think about when pursuing a science degree, because this skill may not be taught at a future job, and already knowing how to share scientific information would make things easier once you get a job.
I mostly added commentary to this revision, in more of a personal aspect. This was a suggestion to peer review I received. This will help convey my personal opinions in the essay about the major.
